I was reading my Bible, and I came upon Deuteronomy 8, which is a great chapter (Moses addressing the Israelites) that tells us over and over to remember what the Lord has done for us. And what do you know? It even addresses a certain number...
"Remember how the Lord your God led you through the wilderness for these forty years,
humbling you and testing you to prove your character, and to find out whether or not
you would obey his commands...He did it to teach you that people do not live by bread alone; rather, we live by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord."
Deuteronomy 8:2-3 (italics mine)
Oh my goodness, y'all, this really hit home. In the Bible, 40 is traditionally associated with a time of testing. Noah and the 40 days of rain, Moses and the 40 days on the Mount, Jesus and the 40 days of temptation, the Israelites wandering for 40 years in the wilderness. The Lord was with them through it all. And I know, without a doubt, that God has been leading me through the past forty years as well. I've been humbled. I've been tested. I've shown good character some, and sometimes not. I've obeyed His commands, and sometimes not. But through every moment, every single second, He has opened my eyes to see that I live by Him and through Him and for Him alone. His word, His strength, His peace, His forgiveness, His grace, and His mercy ALONE.
I don't want the big day to pass by without reflecting on all He has been faithful to bring me through. So, for my babies, I want to share a little of my testimony through a few of the biggest lessons He's taught me over the last forty years, and I hope they will be a blessing to you too.
Let me say ahead of time that I don't have a shocking testimony. I grew up in church and had Godly parents and grandparents who prayed for me before I was even born. I was a "good girl" who made good grades, went to school, got married, taught, and now have kids in a very ordinary middle-class life. I don't have a history of addiction or abuse or sickness I've overcome. I don't have a huge Paul-like moment where God became alive to me. He's always been there.
No, mine, thus far, is the story of the Hand of Grace in everyday life and everyday struggles. I pray there will be something that speaks to you there as well though. I want to encourage you that the Lord doesn't only show up in the tragic times...He's there in the everyday moments too. You just have to look for Him. So, here we go.
1. Sometimes we do what we know we shouldn't do...again and again...but God is still faithful when we seek His forgiveness.
Man, this one was so stinking hard. I remember being in high school, doing some things I shouldn't have done, and then reading my Student Bible one night. Highlighted in bright orange was Romans 7:14-25. It is a passage about struggling with sin and starts, "I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate" and goes on in a tongue twister kind of way in circles about doing what you don't want to do when you know it's not right. But after all of that it comes to the conclusion, "Oh what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord!"
I remember praying, asking God to forgive me and feeling such peace. But ya' know what? The next weekend I was right back there, reading again, asking for forgiveness again. And over and over I've found myself in that place. Not always the same issue, not even as often, but there are so many times I say something or do something I know I shouldn't...and have to seek forgiveness. So thankful that God is gracious to forgive and knows our hearts, even when we mess up.
2. It's easy to want a Savior, but harder to accept Him as Lord.
This one was even harder. I was a senior in college and again, making decisions that didn't line up with God's will, but this time came to John 14:15. "If you love me, you'll obey my commands." Ouch. I remember kind of arguing with God in my head, saying "That's kind of harsh. Of course I love you God... That seems very black and white." And I remember feeling clear as day that He was saying, "It is. You can't do both. If you love me, you'll obey. Period." It was a defining moment, y'all. Was I going to deny myself and sacrifice my own wants for His best? Or continue on with me on the pedestal? I hate to say it, but I did not lay it all down at that time. I wasn't there yet. I wanted Him to be my Savior...but I didn't want Him to be my Lord. I moved in and out of putting Him first and letting myself rule.
I have matured in my faith over the years, but I still struggle sometimes, and I think we all do. John 3:30 says that "He must become greater, and I must become less." It is a constant reflection for me of who I'm putting first. When I step aside, things always seem to go smoother, and I know this! But it's so easy to want to jump in and take over. I pray often for His will to be done in spite of me.
3. No person or thing can fill the holes in your heart like Jesus.
In my early twenties, I had a longing in my heart to be married so badly. I had serious boyfriends through high school and then college, and just knew my happily-ever-after was right around the corner. But as all of my friends were getting married, I found myself single and alone. I felt so lonely and for the first time, was truly brought to my knees. The Lord clearly shared that He had to be my everything. What came to mind was Exodus 20:3, "You will have no Gods before me." I couldn't allow my happiness to be dependent on my significant other. I couldn't put my hope and faith in a person, because eventually they would all let me down and disappoint. And that's exactly what I had been doing.
That was a seriously hard thing to face, but it was a defining moment. I had to take those first two lessons and put them into practice. Jesus became very real to me at that time. I dug into the Word with the guidance of precious Karen Scoggins in the singles ministry at FBCO. And y'all, I did eventually meet the man the Lord had for me. And oh, how I love Him. I have to remember though, not to put the weight of my world on His shoulders. He wasn't meant to fulfill me completely. He can love me and support me and pray for me and encourage me, but He can't save me y'all. There is only One who can, and He has to be our everything.
4. "They don't need you, they need Me."
One of my most important lessons as a mom. Link here: https://beautifulinyourheart.blogspot.com/2017/02/needed-but-not-necessary-my-10-year.html
5. "He is before all things and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17
There are so many small lessons along the way, but this sums them all up. The Lord has been so gracious to show me that no matter what has happened or what is to come, He holds it all together. He knows every word before it is spoken, every thought we think, every hair on our heads, y'all. He knows what tomorrow morning will bring and He is already there.
This verse hangs in my kitchen as a reminder that when I am falling apart, when I'm late (once again), have forgotten something (once again), have lost my temper or been ugly or made a huge mistake or just plain am not holding it together...He is. And He always will be.
I'm so thankful for these past 40 years. For the joy and the sadness, the heartache and the fun. I don't know what the next forty will hold, but He does. Jamie and I decided long ago that we would praise Him in the good, and praise Him in the bad. And we will continue.
For my babies and all of you reading: I pray that the Lord will reveal Himself to you in the everyday, mundane things of life, and that you'll share what He's teaching you with others. Dig in His word, seek out friends who will point you to Him, and pray about everything. And no matter what year you're on, make them all count for Him.
(*Pic of each decade: 10 in 1989, 20 in 1999, 30 in 2009, and 40 in 2019! So sorry for those who didn't get to experience the 80's and 90's...you truly missed out!)
I remember praying, asking God to forgive me and feeling such peace. But ya' know what? The next weekend I was right back there, reading again, asking for forgiveness again. And over and over I've found myself in that place. Not always the same issue, not even as often, but there are so many times I say something or do something I know I shouldn't...and have to seek forgiveness. So thankful that God is gracious to forgive and knows our hearts, even when we mess up.
2. It's easy to want a Savior, but harder to accept Him as Lord.
This one was even harder. I was a senior in college and again, making decisions that didn't line up with God's will, but this time came to John 14:15. "If you love me, you'll obey my commands." Ouch. I remember kind of arguing with God in my head, saying "That's kind of harsh. Of course I love you God... That seems very black and white." And I remember feeling clear as day that He was saying, "It is. You can't do both. If you love me, you'll obey. Period." It was a defining moment, y'all. Was I going to deny myself and sacrifice my own wants for His best? Or continue on with me on the pedestal? I hate to say it, but I did not lay it all down at that time. I wasn't there yet. I wanted Him to be my Savior...but I didn't want Him to be my Lord. I moved in and out of putting Him first and letting myself rule.
I have matured in my faith over the years, but I still struggle sometimes, and I think we all do. John 3:30 says that "He must become greater, and I must become less." It is a constant reflection for me of who I'm putting first. When I step aside, things always seem to go smoother, and I know this! But it's so easy to want to jump in and take over. I pray often for His will to be done in spite of me.
3. No person or thing can fill the holes in your heart like Jesus.
In my early twenties, I had a longing in my heart to be married so badly. I had serious boyfriends through high school and then college, and just knew my happily-ever-after was right around the corner. But as all of my friends were getting married, I found myself single and alone. I felt so lonely and for the first time, was truly brought to my knees. The Lord clearly shared that He had to be my everything. What came to mind was Exodus 20:3, "You will have no Gods before me." I couldn't allow my happiness to be dependent on my significant other. I couldn't put my hope and faith in a person, because eventually they would all let me down and disappoint. And that's exactly what I had been doing.
That was a seriously hard thing to face, but it was a defining moment. I had to take those first two lessons and put them into practice. Jesus became very real to me at that time. I dug into the Word with the guidance of precious Karen Scoggins in the singles ministry at FBCO. And y'all, I did eventually meet the man the Lord had for me. And oh, how I love Him. I have to remember though, not to put the weight of my world on His shoulders. He wasn't meant to fulfill me completely. He can love me and support me and pray for me and encourage me, but He can't save me y'all. There is only One who can, and He has to be our everything.
4. "They don't need you, they need Me."
One of my most important lessons as a mom. Link here: https://beautifulinyourheart.blogspot.com/2017/02/needed-but-not-necessary-my-10-year.html
5. "He is before all things and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17
There are so many small lessons along the way, but this sums them all up. The Lord has been so gracious to show me that no matter what has happened or what is to come, He holds it all together. He knows every word before it is spoken, every thought we think, every hair on our heads, y'all. He knows what tomorrow morning will bring and He is already there.
This verse hangs in my kitchen as a reminder that when I am falling apart, when I'm late (once again), have forgotten something (once again), have lost my temper or been ugly or made a huge mistake or just plain am not holding it together...He is. And He always will be.
I'm so thankful for these past 40 years. For the joy and the sadness, the heartache and the fun. I don't know what the next forty will hold, but He does. Jamie and I decided long ago that we would praise Him in the good, and praise Him in the bad. And we will continue.
For my babies and all of you reading: I pray that the Lord will reveal Himself to you in the everyday, mundane things of life, and that you'll share what He's teaching you with others. Dig in His word, seek out friends who will point you to Him, and pray about everything. And no matter what year you're on, make them all count for Him.
(*Pic of each decade: 10 in 1989, 20 in 1999, 30 in 2009, and 40 in 2019! So sorry for those who didn't get to experience the 80's and 90's...you truly missed out!)
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